The Last Devil To Die by Richard Osman

Author:Richard Osman [Osman, Richard]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Penguin Random House UK
Published: 2023-09-07T00:00:00+00:00

42

Bogdan doesn’t much like snow. In his long experience, only two types of people do like snow. People who don’t see much of it, like the British, or people who live near mountains. In Poland he saw an awful lot of snow, but nobody was skiing. So what was in it for him?

He lets himself into Elizabeth and Stephen’s flat. The sitting-room light is on, so Bogdan enters. Stephen is standing at the window, staring out into the snowy darkness.

‘Stephen,’ says Bogdan, ‘is me.’

‘Old chap,’ says Stephen. ‘Something queer is afoot.’

‘OK,’ says Bogdan. ‘You want a cup of tea? You want a whisky? Watch TV?’

‘I know you,’ says Stephen. ‘We’ve spoken.’

‘I am your friend,’ says Bogdan. ‘You are my friend. We went for a drive the other day.’

‘Thought as much,’ says Stephen. ‘If I tell you something, you won’t think I’m off my rocker?’

‘Off your rocker?’ This is a new one on Bogdan.

‘Off my rocker,’ says Stephen, suddenly irritated. He has never been irritated with Bogdan before. ‘Doolally, round the twist, for goodness’ sake.’

‘You are on your rocker,’ says Bogdan, hoping that’s an expression.

‘Only,’ says Stephen, ‘there’s a fox, who comes to see me.’

‘Snowy?’

‘Snowy, yes,’ says Stephen. ‘You know him? Chap with the ears?’

‘I know him,’ says Bogdan. ‘He is a fine fox.’

‘He hasn’t been this evening,’ says Stephen.

‘Is the snow,’ says Bogdan. ‘He’s keeping warm somewhere.’

‘Nonsense,’ says Stephen. ‘A fox doesn’t mind a bit of snow. A fox doesn’t mind a bit of anything. Don’t you know anything about foxes?’

‘Not really,’ says Bogdan.

‘Well, take the word of a man who does. Where is he?’

‘Did you miss him maybe?’ Bogdan asks.

‘I never miss him,’ says Stephen. ‘You ask my wife, she’s knocking about somewhere. I never miss him. We never miss each other.’

‘You want I should go and look?’

‘I think we should look together,’ says Stephen. ‘I don’t mind telling you I’m worried. You have a torch?’

‘Yes,’ says Bogdan.

‘And we’re pals? Good pals?’

Bogdan nods.

‘Was I short with you?’ Stephen asks. ‘I feel like I was quite short, and I didn’t mean to be. I wasn’t expecting you, you see, and we don’t have anything in.’

Bogdan shakes his head. ‘No, you weren’t short with me. Let’s get you dressed. Is cold out there.’

‘There was a big chap with a beard and hat around earlier too,’ says Stephen. ‘There’s been all sorts going on.’

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